How many of us are one hundred percent satisfied with every aspect of our lives?  Probably very few.  But we could be if we only made a little effort and that effort involves working out consciously the type of life we want.

Awareness is the first step in the creative process.  When you are self-aware, you can understand why you feel what you feel and why you behave the way you behave.  That understanding then gives you the opportunity and freedom to change those things you’d like to change about yourself and create the life you want.  Without knowing who you are, self-acceptance and change are impossible.   Once you have developed your core confidence in yourself you also become a more attractive candidate for  a job, a consultancy, a partnership, a marriage…

Having clarity about who you are and what you want (and why you want it) empowers you to consciously and actively make those wants a reality.

On good days, everything feels right. You can dismiss the frown, the disapproving comment and the snub because you feel strong enough and confident enough in yourself.  So what’s happening on the ‘bad’ days?  Are you a different person on those days?  No, of course not, but you are suffering from low self-esteem so your reaction to events is different.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the value you put on yourself.  It stems from a strong, rooted sense of self-worth that survives both failure and success; it survives mistakes, disappointment and, most of all, it survives acceptance and rejection from others.

Self-esteem is the foundation of self-motivation, assertive communication and personal empowerment.  It is the pivotal ingredient in achieving success at any level.

Let’s look at acceptance and rejection - key concepts in self-esteem.

It is natural to want to be accepted, to want to belong and to fit in with those who are important to us.  But if you measure how acceptable you are by how others see you and rate you, then it will be difficult to take the risk of trying something different.  This might not be so acceptable to those ‘outside’.

Does this apply to you?
Once you see how much you depend on others for a feeling of acceptance, you can also see the possibilities for building a sense of self-acceptance.  This need not exclude others but can help to shift the balance between you and them so you have more room to manoeuvre.  You can give yourself more permission to express yourself in ways that you choose and your self-esteem will increase as a consequence.

We all fear rejection.  And, we all experience it!  However much we may try to prevent it happening, rejections both slight and serious occur throughout our lives.  For example:

•     Someone forgets your birthday or an important anniversary.
  
•     You are turned down for an interview.
  
•     Your parents continually compare you unfavourably with others.
  
•     You are not invited to attend an important meeting.
  
•     You offer to do a colleague a favour and you are turned down.

Would you interpret any of these situations as a rejection?
 
Building high self esteem

A person with high self-esteem accepts and values themselves as they are and acknowledges their strengths and their weaknesses.  Begin by reminding yourself of your qualities (last article) and your values (previous article). Tell yourself ten times a day or more how great you are and what a lot you have to offer. Develop the following:

A person with high self esteem:

•     Is open to listening to other people’s criticism and can learn from it.
•     Respects other people’s ideas and beliefs even if they are not the same as their own.
•     Is direct and honest with others.
•     Does not have to convince anyone that they are right.
•     Is open to acceptance and love from others.
•     Is not destroyed by rejection.
•     Can take the risk to change.
•     Does not sink into self reproach.
•     Can survive hurt and disappointment.
•     Has a high value of their own worth.

Kate Cobb
0033 (0)4 93 20 68 94
www.executive-onlinecoaching.com