Are you in the right relationship?
By Judy Churchill
Every time there is a royal engagement, it gives us all an opportunity to reassess our own relationships and ponder on what makes a relationship really work. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s engagement is no exception and couples all over the world will be asking themselves if they too have the magic ingredients to sustain a long term relationship. Others will be reminding themselves of what those ingredients are and either giving themselves a pat on the back or seriously thinking about whether it’s time to make some long overdue adjustments. So what are these magic ingredients? The list is long but maybe it’s worth just taking a look at the few of the main ones and then you can do the litmus test to see if your relationship matches up
All successful relationships share certain things in common and if you can identify these traits in your own couple then you have the greatest chance of success long term.
Respect, trust, esteem
If you respect your partner and yourself and also fully trust your partner, you will always find yourself acting in both of your best interests. Respect ensures that any disagreements do not turn into a slanging match and any points of discord are respectfully negotiated. You won’t find yourself cheating on someone you respect. Being with someone that you admire and hold in high esteem (for whatever reason) keep the fires burning and means that each of you will always be prepared to compromise for the other. Once respect is lost it is a slow, painful journey down the road of disenchantment…
Being married for the ‘right’ reasons:
Anyone who marries for money, co-dependency issues, out of desperation to have children, for the need to be ‘loved and validated’ by someone else or purely because they think they are madly in love will be disappointed in the long run. None of theses reasons will sustain a relationship, not even ‘love’. To admire, love and enjoy being with and doing things for the other person while sharing the same cultural and political beliefs will go along way to keeping you together for the longest possible period. While people may balk at the idea of having to share the same cultural and political beliefs, it may be interesting for them to know that once the first flush of love has worn off, it is these two particular issues that cause the most arguments and are the fastest track down the road to separation.
One of the greatest reasons for being more ‘permanently’ with some one either in or out of marriage is because you enjoy doing things together. Shared interests especially physical/sports related are an incredible bonding factor between couples.
Be responsible for your own health and happiness:
Don’t expect your partner or the relationship to fix you or your life. You should be responsible for your own physical and mental wellbeing. You should be responsible for finding the job of your dreams and you should have realistic expectations about what the relationship can do for you.
If you expect your partner to be gushing romance and poetry at you and then find he doesn’t, whose fault is that? Go and buy a poetry book and ask yourself what attracted you to this person in the first place. Don’t try and turn someone into someone they are not and never have been. Ask yourself what you yourself are lacking if you are trying to get your partner to correspond to your ideals all the time. Each partner should be constantly be working to become a better version of themselves and then everyone benefits. Spending time apart so that you can each recharge your own batteries is another thing that successful couple make sure happens and shows a capacity to recognise that each of you is an individual not just a component of a couple.
Communication and companionship:
When issues are talked about honestly and rationally all problems will find their matching solutions. Never allow things to reach the point of resentment or get to the point where you expecting your partner to mind read you when there is something wrong. Spell things out clearly for your partner and if given advice, be appreciate of it. The classic ‘What’s wrong?’ question with the ‘Nothing’ answer is the relationship all time killer. It’s dishonest and disrespectful as an answer. Be prepared to talk about everything because that will bring you closer together. If it’s a intimacy issue, it’s even more important to be honest because this will effect your sex life which is a huge part of what ‘glues’ the relationship together.
In the early stages of a relationship most people are like rabbits having sex at every available opportunity. Steadily the ‘madness’ makes way for a more solid, deeper relationship, sex tends to level off and find its own regular pattern. However, level off doesn’t mean disappear and without the intimacy and pleasure that sex affords relationships will inevitably break down in the long run. Of course there will be periods when you are both too tired or stressed from outside factors and sex will sit on the back burner. But never leave it too long. Regular sex is not only fun, healthy and pleasurable but a great reminder of one of the things you most enjoy about each other. If it’s not happening as often as you would like then talk about it and decide to make it happen …whatever it takes!
Congratulations to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle!
Judy is based in Monaco and specialises in transformational coaching working with both individuals and companies.
Judy is also a qualified language teacher/trainer for adults and children in French, English and Spanish.
If you would like to receive coaching, communication skills training, language tutoring or certified translating from Judy, you can contact her on: email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org via Facebook messenger and www.judychurchill.com
If you are getting married on the Riviera and require a Wedding Celebrant: contact Anna Fill