Coping With Divorce - Part 7
By Judy Churchill - Judy also featured in the Anna Fill Interviews.
Part 7 of 7
DEALING WITH THE BATTLES, BAD FEELING, JEALOUSY
There may be (hopefully) certain things that you agree on with your ex, but as one of my good friends told me at the time: ‘There is no such thing as an amicable divorce.’ There will be battles, either you or he will not feel like cooperating and there will be jealousy on both sides when new partners come on the scene. You must have an emotional strategy in place for dealing with this before it happens. There is nothing as draining as negative energy and nothing so stressful for your children as having to live through this situation second hand. This is where you will need to have someone at the end of the phone when the going gets really tough and you feel like ‘bunny boiling’. Don’t try and go it alone, you are likely to get locked into a negative spiral that will take you hurtling down a fast road to hell. You will each get sucked into dragging each other further and further down in a macabre sort of co-dependency. DON’T GO THERE! Seeing your ex’s point of view is often only possible to achieve with someone helping you who understands the underlying mechanisms at work here. Don’t feed off bad feeling; it’s bad fuel for the system. It will lower your resistance and weaken your immune system. It is not unusual to suddenly start suffering from all sorts of weird and wonderful ailments when you are going through divorce. If someone to talk to is not close at hand, go and take out your anger on a punching ball at the gym, or take yourself for a long walk, jog or swim. There is nothing better than physical exercise for calming the nerves and giving yourself a good dose of endorphins, the body’s natural pain killers. You will start to see things from another point of view. Refuse to engage in battles, remain as neutral as possible. It’s hard to fight someone who doesn’t want to fight!
A FINAL THOUGHT
All is not gloom and doom in divorce but like any major journey, it needs to be well planned for. You need your road map, your compass and your GPS in the form of someone who can objectively and rationally help through this maze. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself time to ‘grieve’. This is not a time for denial and finally enjoy the rebirth of the new you with all the pleasures and the newly found impetus it will bring.
Life is for living and you deserve to live it to the full!