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General Articles

Stop that procrastinating thief, Shakespeare, we have no time?

By Julia Moore

Why is there no study as to what and why, we do, when we ought to be doing something more important?

I’m pleased that never castigated my young family, when it was essay-writing/homework time. Of course it was more fun to dismantle a bike, annoy your older brother, and/or bribe the dog into standing still, whilst objects were placed on its back-bone, a la ‘Buckaroo’. As a teacher, I had cajoled, nagged and remonstrated with errant student, who offered all sorts of nonsense reasons why they needed an essay deadline extension.  It was inevitable, thus, that pay-back time was to come.

Thus ‘tis was, that over the Festive season, I had a reasonably important deadline to meet, loads of writing, lots of words, huge amount of thinking and concentrating. The brain can create fabulous and, quite frankly, gob-smacking diversions which, under ‘normal’ circumstances, I doubt I could conjure up. To wit, II found myself involved in:

1) Cleaning out the rain-gulley at the back of the house. A task usually shared by neighbours, in order to keep damp away from our walls, caused by blockage from rock debris, especially after a storm. On this occasion, however, I did it alone and unaided, a form of ‘hiding’ from the outside world. Down a storm-drain, nobody can hear you scream. Nor can you use a laptop, as the signal is poor, so that’s useful.

2) Washing the rabbit. Sounds like a euphemism, but is, in fact, exactly what is says. I have (for reasons unimportant) a 5’ high, pink-striped ‘Bugs Bunny’-type toy which has travelled a good distance with me.  With the long anticipated arrival of first visit from granddaughter, it is, of course, important that said lapin be hygienic and presentable. The fact that she is not visiting until September 2018, doth not make it a priority task in December 2017,  and points to only one thing. I have become my step-sons and all my past, bad students, rolled into one, pathetic, time-waster.

3) Sorting out the cellar. Again, not a huge priority. I did not actually make any nett changes to the space, merely moved  objects around, akin to a Rubik's-cube. It is usual to jettison at least something, when one clears out a shed or cellar, but not this time. The overall result was to confuse my husband, dreadfully, when he next visited the cellar, and could not locate anything (not unusual, but, in this case not his fault).

4) Tidying up the attic. What can be added to no. 3?...same thing, only at higher altitude. On reflection, perhaps a few bits of paper were put in the recycling bag, so some gain, but not much to shout about. I did chivvy the cat from her cushion, but I cannot claim that as an achievement.

Smaller ‘vital’ tasks were attended to, all having the chilling, common characteristic that, sans exception, they could all be done at any other time; fridge-and-hob-cleaning, sorting out textile remnants and balls of wool into colour categories, re-classifying book collection and, of course...that long-running photo album project which badly needed attending to, but not necessarily NOW.  As for the cutlery drawer, well, the things you find at the very back, in the dusty shadows? And towels, loads of towels, needed folding and putting away. Even the tea-towels were ironed, a very bad sign, indeed, but not quite as bad as ironing underwear, which calls for medication, surely?

I think the case has been sufficiently covered.  In my defence, and adopting a counter-intuitive stance here, perhaps, if some world leaders, rather than issuing threats, chasing empty deals and generally not operating well, sorted out their wardrobes, or dug over their vegetable plots for a while, before taking action, the results maybe more productive, and safe?

PS - am I the last person in the world to know why Swatch watches, are so called?...look it up, wastes another 5 minutes,...enjoy!!!!!!

Thursday, 18 January 2018    Section: General Articles    Author: Julia Moore
Article tags: Julia Moore Humour
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